Kingdom Lifestyle

Friendship Management: Three Ways To Manage Your Friendships Properly

Hey Hey!!!!! It’s almost time for SAVED GIRL SUMMER!!!!

It’s the fun of summer minus the acts that go against God’s word. With that being said I’m sure a lot of you are making plans to spend quality time with people post C19 lockdown so, before you decide who you want to spend your summer fun with, I want to bless you with some information regarding friendships.

After reading the book Relational Intelligence written by Dharius Daniels, it has become apparent to me how vitally important the people you surround yourself are.  Friendship management is a form of life management. Every single area is impacted by these relationships because the progress you make in your life is tied to who all you allow to be an  influence and be a part of your life.

“The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm”

Proverbs 13:20

So what is the classification of a good friend? When you look at the Bible for the definition of a friend you could start in the book of Proverbs. There you will find many descriptions of a good friend as well as the different types of friends you could encounter. A few characteristics of a good friend are

  • Someone who loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17)
  • Someone who is truthful and honest and not afraid to correct you when you are wrong (Proverbs 27:6)
  • Someone who is willing to sacrifice for you whether it be time, money, or the act of being selfless (John 15:13)

“Wealth attracts many friends, but a poor person is separated from his friend”

Proverbs 19:4

Now in a perfect world all of the people we call friends would be superb and we wouldn’t have to worry about management but reality is no one and nothing is perfect. The Hebrew word for friend is rea’ meaning personal friend or companion, however, it could also mean illegitimate partners as it was used to describe the many partners in Jeremiah 3:1.

Managing your friendships correctly assists you in discerning who is there to propel you towards your destiny and who in your life is there to mislead and detour you. When there is a lack of relational stewardship, you become an easy target for the enemy to distract you from the calling God has placed on your life. This is extremely important for people who are empathetic or consider themselves “empaths”, because the enemy knows that you have a prophetic gift so he will introduce narcissistic people into your life so that you are no longer focused on your God-given purpose.

 He knows the exact people to use and if you are weak in the area of relational management this could potentially be massively destructive to your life. Think of Jesus and His disciples. He called them all friends and yet was betrayed by one of them. Granted he knew everything that was to come, however, it is a revelation that even the ones you call friends will not always have your best interest at heart. 

“One with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24

The people you choose to associate with can either propel you toward your destiny or the calling God has for your life, keep you stuck in the same place, or could potentially knock you off track of where God is taking you. This is why it is so important to learn how to be a good steward over the relationships you allow in your life and today I want to give you three healthy ways that will assist in managing your relationships the correct way. 

1. Categorize Your Friendships

Make sure you know what category each person in your life falls under and treat them accordingly. In Relational Intelligence, Daniels defines 4 categories our relationships should fall under. Friends, associates, assignments, and advisors. Each category has its own set of standards that a person meets to get a certain level of access to you. Oftentimes, people mess up by telling everyone who is anyone their business in the name of being “transparent” and wonder why they aren’t moving forward in life. Once the enemy knows your business it is his duty to kill, steal, and destroy it. Therefore, a person you consider an associate or assignment should not get the same type of intimacy as a friend or an advisor would get from you because these are the typical categories assigned to those who God has placed in your life to assist you in living out your destiny. Which leads to number 2

2. Set Boundaries For Each Category

Know what to share and what not to share with each category. Of course you know someone you consider a friend, who is close to you like a brother, would know more about you than a person you consider an associate whom you keep at a distance. Assignments are people God has placed in your life for you to mentor in a specific area. Therefore, most conversations shared should be limited and based on whatever the need is from the person you are mentoring and focused on you assisting them to live in their God-given purpose. Advisors are those you look towards for mentorship in certain areas of your life where it is financial, spiritual, or career based. You are their assignment so again conversations should be solely based on the need you are reaching out to them for.

3. Self Reflect

Make sure you know the role that you play in your relationships. You can’t expect to receive value from your friendships if you aren’t putting value into other people’s lives. The type of person you are determines the type of people you attract. We all have heard the phrase birds of a feather flock together. Are you the type of friend you know your friend is expecting you to be? Doing this type of self assessment will help you see where you may or may not be of value in someone else’s life. 

When you steward your friendships in the correct way your eyes are open to who are your purpose partners and who are in your life that could potentially be distractions. When you assess yourself in any of your friendships, place friends in the correct category, and set boundaries for each of those categories, you make it easier for you to know who to reach out to as different situations arise in your life.

So before you randomly select people to share your fun with this summer be sure the people you choose are ones that you potentially see as purpose partners and that will not only be a good time but add value to your time.

I pray this article has blessed you. Shalom.

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